a disclaimer: this post is LONG, so get yourself a snack and a cocktail because HAPPY WEEKEND!! x

Ahhh I still can’t even believe that this happened! I’m starting to wonder if it’s ever going to really feel real. I’ve been working on this post for the last few weeks and trying to get it juuuust right for this little space where it will live for the rest of time. But the truth is that it was the most perfect day, and it’s impossible to do it any justice. So while I tried, just know that this post doesn’t hold a candle to how special the day really was.

I will start by saying that when I started this blog, I never imaged writing this post so soon – the whole thing has been so shocking! I can genuinely say that I didn’t expect us to get engaged this year, especially with the way the world has been going in 2020. At one point it was hard enough for us to think about the future in a one week capacity, no less the rest of our lives, so yes – it was definitely a surprise! There was an incident back in February in which Ryan was hiding a ring sizer in one of our dresser drawers. I hadn’t known what was in there at the time, but was told not to worry about it, and not to look for it. And so I didn’t. If that doesn’t say trust I don’t know what does!!! That was the only point during this year where I thought it was maybe something was up, but I mostly put it out of my head and let it go until the week before. A note: The ring was on my finger about 5 minutes before I asked, “What the hell was in that drawer?”

THE RING //

I’ve never been the girl whose spent time thinking up her dream engagement ring and the perfect proposal. I haven’t been planning my wedding since I was 7 years old. I have no idea what kind of wedding dress I’ll love or what the flowers will look like. I am and always have been the kind of person who takes things one step at a time. So engagements and weddings just weren’t on my radar. Not to say that I’ve never thought about it, but I just felt like the pieces would fall together when it was right. Anytime someone would ask me what kind of ring I wanted, I never had an answer because I didn’t really know. I always felt like Ryan would find the perfect ring without any real input from me (and I was 100000% right!!) Like I had always said – he’d never gotten me a gift I didn’t love, he wasn’t going to start with that. I have to say he really nailed it. The ring is absolutely perfect and I truly feel in my heart that this specific ring was the one I’ve been meant to wear all along. Ry said he knew right away when he saw it, and so did I. ❤️

THE WEEK OF //

The few days before THE day, I had a little inkling that something was up. Earlier in the week Ryan had suggested going for a lunch date at the beach on Saturday since we hadn’t been on a date and/or alone really in the last three months. Everyone was acting kind of strange and Ryan seemed to have an answer for everything I asked him, which is not the norm. There were no REALLY obvious hints – but I WAS suspicious enough to paint my nails! The one thing I will say about those few days before though, is that I have never, in 8 years, felt like we might be getting engaged. I’ve never convinced myself that it was happening. I was never disappointed in an ordinary date thinking Ryan was planning to propose. This was the first time I had ever really felt like it might be happening. And because of that, I let myself go with it. It just felt right, and I think we both knew it somehow.

THE MORNING OF //

The morning of I woke up and did not feel great. The jury is still out on whether it was alcohol related or nerves, but I sipped on a pretty warm can of Coke the entire morning. I was so anxious and I swear, time has never moved SO SLOWLY in all of my twenty six years of life. Ryan came in and was adamant that I would feel better if it got up and took a shower (which he KNOWS is not how I operate the morning after drinking.) He just kept coming in to see if I had started moving at all yet, and asking if I was feeling any better (I wasn’t) but he never once said that we could stay home if I didn’t feel up to it. We were GOING to the beach for lunch come hell or high water. And speaking of – the forecast for our beach date? Rain, rain and more rain. But yes, we were still on for lunch at the beach 😉 Once I finally got myself up to shower, I got ready in record time (he is always teasing me because I’m never ready on time –– if you tell me to be ready by 12:30, I’m ready by 12:40 and not a minute sooner.) Of course I was ready early that day. Pacing and packing towels and random crap I mostly felt like we weren’t going to be using. Everyone basically avoided me the entire morning – Matt “slept” until two minutes before we left, Dad was out getting the fairly new car “inspected” and Mom was trying to make conversation with me that neither of us really wanted to have. Looking back I can’t help but laugh about that entire morning.

THE BEACH //

When we finally got in the car it was QUIET and neither of us knew what to say to each other! In all the time been dating, we’ve never said so few words. I had asked Ryan if he knew what he was gonna get for dinner and he said he hadn’t thought about it – and then I really knew. This… coming from the guy who decides what he’s going to order the minute we even talk about going out to dinner somewhere… We stopped at the deli to get the “lunch” we were bringing to the beach and every minute that ticked by felt like a lifetime. We drove down to a beach in Bayport that ended up being too crowded, got back in the car and drove 40 minutes north to West Meadow and, I take it back – THAT was the quietest car ride of all time. We heard Watermelon Sugar by Harry Styles on the radio fifteen different times and talked about the weather and the fact that it looked like the sky was about to open up on our lunch date the whole way. When we finally got to West Meadow, there was some debate about whether they were going to let us in since you had to be a resident of the Town of Brookhaven. Thankfully, I have ignored everyone in the last year and a half that has told me to change the address on my license to Brooklyn (!!!) We found a spot for our stuff and put it all down and Ryan asked me for the fifth time if I wanted to eat the freakin’ turkey sandwich we brought (I still didn’t…) And then walked a little ways down the beach, away from the couple of people that were there. I was basically hobbling because West Meadow is all rocks and hardly any sand, so walking barefoot on a freshly healed bone was a little bit of a struggle, but we made it! At this point I pretty much knew it was happening because he was making me limp around and wasn’t even trying to hold my hand. We walked down by the water so I could stick my feet in and when I turned around to walk back towards Ryan, there he was down on one knee. No one will be surprised to hear that I immediately started crying. Honestly, I don’t think either one of us really remembers the details of it all. Ryan swears he was speaking another language, and for all I know, he was. But it didn’t matter. It was perfect and I wouldn’t have changed a thing even if I had planned it all myself. I remember thinking in that moment how much I would have loved to freeze time. What I will say, is that in that moment, with him on one knee holding the ring out at the beach, it felt so right. I always knew, but in that moment it was impossible to imagine my life any other way. When you know, you really know.

THE PARTY //

I had known all weekend that we had dinner plans on Saturday night – supposedly eating outside at Drift even though it was supposed to downpour. And downpour it did! When it was right about time for us to leave the beach to head to dinner it got really windy and then it started drizzling. We packed everything up (each ate one bite of the iconic turkey sandwich) and ran to the car with towels over our heads just in time before it started absolutely POURING. Twice I thought we might have to pull over on the way to the restaurant because we couldn’t see a thing on the road. When we finally got there we had to valet the car and all out run to a little tent they had set up off to the side by the bar. Honestly, I haven’t seen rain like that in a long time. It was torrential. We ran in (I lost a shoe in the process) and both of our families were inside waiting for us and I genuinely don’t know who was the most excited person in the room. We had the most wonderful night celebrating with some of our very favorite people – some of whom we hadn’t seen in months!!! There was lots of champagne and lots of pictures and lots of hugging (even from me – the covid-police took one very important night off 🙃) I can’t think of a better way for us to have celebrated. It was perfect and it truly felt like we were living in a dream.

One of the most surprising parts of this whole time has been how different it actually feels to be engaged. Although our day to day life hasn’t really changed at all, it feels so different. In some ways it feels like us moving in together in 2018 was a bigger deal, but in other ways this feels just as huge as it should. I’m still having a hard time wrapping my head around the fact that this is what phase of life we’re in now! I don’t feel old enough to be engaged. In fact, that was one of the first things I said to Ryan after it happened: “are you sure we’re old enough for this!?” He laughed and said that yes, we were in fact old enough. Even three weeks later we’ll randomly find ourselves looking at each other and one of being like “how the heck did this happen?!” It’s been the craziest and most exciting time and we are living in absolute bliss over it all.

Something else that’s shocked me (in the best way possible,) is how exciting it is! I don’t mean this in a bad way, but I just always assumed that after us dating for 8 years, it wouldn’t be THAT shocking and THAT crazy exciting when we got engaged. Everyone knew it was coming! We knew it was coming! But that hasn’t been the case at all. To be completely honest, it’s exciting all over again every time I catch a glimpse of the ring. In a lot of ways it feels like everything is all brand new again.

And lastly – the biggest shock of them all to me: we are ready to start planning! I never anticipated being the girl that gets engaged and immediately starts to plan the wedding. I always imagined being the type to wait 6 months before doing anything, but we’re ready! We don’t have any major news to report on that front, but stay tuned because it’s all really happening. And we absolutely could not be happier.

We’re getting married!!!! 💍

PS – Leave a comment below if you would be interested in seeing a post by Ryan from his POV of our engagement, ring shopping, asking my parents etc. I floated this idea by him but think some audience encouragement might actually make it happen!!!