Lately I’ve been thinking so much about Instagram and how much it has all changed since the beginning. This used to be a space where we’d post our after school snacks, doodles during math class, something that made us laugh, or a picture of our friends during a quick trip to grab red mango. This is not that space anymore and in some respects its better, but in a lot of ways it isn’t.

Instagram now is a job. It’s a place where we spend 20 minutes setting up or posing for the perfect shot, editing it to make it look flawless and posting it for all of our friends to see how wonderful and great our lives are. It’s about creating the perfect moment, whereas it used to be about appreciating a moment that was already perfect, and capturing that. We are all so obsessed with this idea of perfection, and I  personally am losing sight of why that’s so desirable. Perfect is not real life.

I am just as guilty as the next person that has put 5 different filters on a photo to get it juuuuuust right. I take 30 pictures of the same thing, full well knowing I’m only going to be posting one. But why does it have to be this way?

I’ve gone through so many phases of posting on here. Some better (and longer than others,) but none of them have really made me happy. I used to post tons of flat lays of crap I would buy and think everyone cared to see what makeup I was using or the new perfume I got. I went through a phase of posting just photos of people— every time I went out in college I had to post a picture so everyone knew I went out and “had fun!!!” Then I got fed up and boycotted posting photos of people altogether, I posted anything that struck me as “instaworthy.” Then I brought back people photos, but only in very specific terms, it had to be the perfect photo and meet all my criteria. Maybe I’m insane, I probably am and I doubt that anyone spends as much time hemming and hawing over photos to post as I do. But the point is that it got to a place where I felt like I couldn’t post anything that actually made me happy. And that is not okay!! There is absolutely nothing normal about feeling anxiety on a platform that’s supposed to be fun and inspiring.

In order to remedy this for myself, I created a separate account where I post one (or more) photos every single day. It challenges me to find something beautiful or capture a moment I feel truly happy in during the hustle and bustle of life. And honestly, it has made me happier than this account ever has. The people that follow that account are people who don’t mind seeing a photo of every book I read, or meals I eat on an average day. They see the pictures of my real life. A moment where I was so huffing and puffing and out of breath during my run that I stopped to snap a picture of the trees during golden hour. They see some of the recipes I try, and the mess I make while doing it. Lunch dates and sweet moments with friends and family members that make me realize how lucky I am. Or moments that I was just so completely content and blissed out on life, I snapped a picture so that I wouldn’t forget how I felt. The likes I get on those photos are of course, appreciated, but they do not validate me in any way, shape or form. It’s a place where I don’t feel the need to put any unnecessary rules on myself and I’m free to be as creative or as boring as I please! Because let’s be real, some days are just like that— and that’s okay.

None of us are perfect. It’s such a slippery slope to let everyone else’s likes or comments on our photos define how pretty or smart or important or skinny or fun or cool or fashionable we are. If you feel good in the moment, then you should feel good about it regardless of whether you get 5 likes or 500 likes. Why are we letting everyone but ourselves decide how happy we’re allowed to be? At the end of the day, the only thing that should matter is that you feel happy, loved and able to see the beauty in an ordinary moment in your own life and through your own eyes as opposed to the skewed lens of social media.

I really don’t “put myself out there” very often, but this feels important to me. We could all use a little more positivity in this world, and my hope is that this resonates with even just one of you.

Feel free to come and visit me in my more creative, happier, place on Instagram while I figure out how to bridge the gap between here and there.