photo by Tori Liotta // Instagram //

Watching the news over these past few weeks has been heartbreaking, to say the very least. The abhorrent murders of George Floyd, Breonna Taylor, Ahmaud Arbery and so many others in recent weeks have been the most eye-opening and gut wrenching stories during this horrific time we are living in. My heart aches for these families and the countless others who have lost loved ones in situations involving police brutality and unjust treatment of minorities in this country. Yes, my heart hurts for our country as a whole. It hurts for our police forces who are out there trying to keep us all safe. It hurts for those who are afraid when they’re sending their loved ones out the door in the morning and into streets that are violent and rioting. It hurts for people whose storefronts and businesses have been destroyed and looted. But my heart is aching for those who have been affected by both the intentional and unintentional forms of racism in this country for so many years. 

I am not a political person, I tend to be quiet on matters re: politics because to tell you the truth, I’m not as informed as I should be. I feel similarly, if not even more so, about issues re: race. I am afraid to talk about it. I am afraid to say the wrong thing and offend someone. I am afraid that although it is never my intention, that I will say something ignorant. I am afraid that while my words may be coming from a place of love and empathy, that they will be taken the wrong way. And so for many of those reasons, I have chosen to stay silent. 

Over the last week I have learned that silence is part of the problem. That looking the other way and feeling like it “isn’t my place to get involved” is part of the problem. I’ve come to understand that it’s better to make mistakes and misspeak while coming from a place of support, than to stay silent. So I am choosing to speak, albeit imperfectly. 

I am learning as I go, and I have a lot to learn. And although I will never understand what it’s like to be Black in this world that we live in, I can still try to understand better. I can still try to wrap my head around how much there is that I don’t understand. I can still try to see what my whiteness has kept me from seeing. The bottom line is that not knowing how to speak about important issues is a problem. I am going to fix that for myself, and hopefully encourage you to do the same. 

So, here are 5 things I have done and/or am doing to further educate myself: 

  1. READ the books. Support Black authors. Read their words. Understand where they are coming from. Try to understand how much you actually don’t understand. See how much you can learn. 
  2. LISTEN to people in the Black community when they are trying to help you understand. It is not their responsibility to teach you, but many people are willing to help anyway and we should be appreciative of that. Really listen to what they are saying. Do not immediately get defensive and turn off your ability to see the other side. What they are saying is important and if you’re feeling defensive, you probably need to hear it. 
  3. ABSORB. Take it all in. Put yourself in someone else’s shoes for a minute. How does it make you feel? Let it impact you. Let yourself feel uncomfortable. 
  4. SHARE what you’re learning with close friends and talk about it. Learn from what they are learning on their own. Have the conversations that you might not be used to having. They’re hard because they are important. 
  5. BE OPEN to changing your views/opinions when you learn something new. Just because we know something to be one way, doesn’t mean it has to stay that way. It’s okay to be wrong. It’s not okay to allow those feelings to linger in fear of changing your views. Allow yourself to change – human beings are not meant to be static. Grow from what you’re learning. 

Over the course of the last week I’ve been taking in a lot – from books, blog posts, articles and Instagram stories/posts. One of the most impactful things I’ve read is the concept that the Black Lives Matter movement “is not a political issue, it’s a human rights issue.” Although I’ve read a lot of really eye-opening things, nothing struck me quite like this because when it comes down to it, it’s hard to believe there even is there an opposing view. How can anyone be vying for UN-equal rights? Who wants to live in a world where people are judged for ANYTHING because of the color of their skin? Who wants to live in a world where people STILL need to be fighting and protesting for equal rights. It’s 2020, put your politics aside and think about it for a second. We have to do better than this. 

Let me leave you with this – if someone offered you a class or lessons on how to speak, or write, or act, or behave without unintentionally abusing and offending other human beings, wouldn’t you take it? Wouldn’t you want to be better?

And if the answer to that question is no, then that’s a you problem (and the time to fix it is now.) 

We are better than this. We have to do better than this.